Is separation anxiety causing your baby’s night waking?

Have night wakes suddenly increased?

8-10 months of age is a common age to see night wakes increase, and to have a baby that really does not want to sleep in their cot they want to be with you. Sound familiar?

Let me explain what is happening…

Babies go through a big cognitive developmental advancement at this age, they develop object permanence and people permanence. This means when you or an object are out of sight, they now understand you / they may never return. This causes separation anxiety, as prior to this age, they were unaware of this. So what commonly happens is they wake, they cry for you, and many really do not want to go back into their cot.

So how do you know if this is why your baby is waking?

You will notice this in the day time and at night. When you walk out of the the room, your baby will cry, try to follow you, and behave like you have left them forever. If you are yelling yes! yes! yes! Then keep reading I have some tips for you!

If this isn’t your baby, but they have begun waking more, it is likely developmental. There is a lot going on at this age, many are learning to crawl and stand, these big milestones tend to cause disturbed sleep, as the brain effectively has an upgrade which takes place at night. Once they master this new skill sleep should improve.

So what can you do to support your baby through this stage?

Before we get into this, rest assure this is a phase and it will pass even if you do nothing!

Here are some activities to try:

Peek a boo

Sit with your child on the floor, facing each other, make sure there are no distraction, noisy toys, TV, others present. Play peek a boo, covering your face and undercovering, you want to be playing this hundreds of times. This repetition help your child learn, when you disappear you always return.

Covering a toy

Once again sit opposite your baby, with no distractions, and have a toy they like on the floor between you. Cover the toy over and uncover, repeating this hundreds of times, this helps your child understand when on object disappears they reappear.

Bedtime

Bedtime is the biggest time of separation, this is why night time tends to be toughest for them. A few things you can try, which I have used with lots of families and seen huge improvements in reducing night waking. Lots of skin to skin, having a bath together, feed skin to skin. Spend lots of time in their bedroom, set some toys up, and pop out for a few seconds, and build up. If your child cries, do not leave the room, just work on taking a step away. You can also do this at bedtime and through the bedtime routine. Other options are camping out with them during this stage so you are in the same room, so if they wake they know you are close by, and begin leaving the room more as sleep improves.

For further guidance on separation anxiety and all areas of sleep my baby sleep guide provides further guidance.