5 sleep tips when second baby is due
Adjusting to life after having a baby is one of the greatest challenge most of us face in our life, let’s not sugar coat this experience! Recovering from pregnancy, possible trauma of labour. You are overwhelmed with love, hormones, sleep deprivation, adjusting to breastfeeding or bottle feeding, and having to put someone else’s needs before your own 24/7. There is no preparing for this, and lets remember every child is different, every pregnancy is different, and birth experience is different! But you get through it, and now you have a second little person joining the family!
I remember very clearly the overwhelming yearning for a second baby, Ted was an IVF baby so we were very aware how blessed we had been to have him, and knew there were no guarantees… Sadly our first attempt at having a sibling led to a miscarriage, but we were blessed when we tried one last time and fell pregnant with Lottie.
As I got further into the pregnancy a lot of worries were running around my mind, could I love another child like I love Ted? Surely not? How could I split my time? The guilt began kicking in! How could I ensure Ted still felt loved, secure, whilst giving this new baby all the love and attention they needed… Sound familiar?
I definitely found the transition from one child to two much tougher than adjusting to having 1 baby. And I think for some it is the other way around, and I think this is very dependant upon how your pregnancy is, the labour, and the baby! My second baby had reflux and multiple food allergies so it was a tougher journey this way around.
As an infant sleep consultant I regularly have families reach out to me needing support with sleep, where either baby no 2 is due, or a second baby has come along and the first child has begun displaying difficulties at bedtime, or waking through the night.
So here are my top tips to protect sleep when baby no 2 arrives:
Don’t make any big changes on the run up to the birth; I often have clients who moved baby no 1 out of the cot, or into a new room. Change is very hard for children, and can lead to a lot of confusion, and insecurities. This often is displayed with behavioural issues, like bedtime battles & night wakes etc.
Focus on connection, connection and more connection! Sleep issues for toddler and young children, are just an extension of behaviour. Bedtime for young children is a time of separation for the night, they need to feel connected, so make sure during they day they are getting lots of attention, so they feel connected to you, and apply this connection to the hour before bed.
Bedtime routine; if possible try and keep the bedtime routine as consistent as it was before baby no 2 arrived, now for some this can be really tricky, if your partner isn’t around, or you are a single parent, but if it is possible to have some help, so your child can still have that connection and consistency at bedtime this can really help, with the separation and bedtime. If a child feels secure they will feel ok going to bed, and sleeping in their sleep space.
Involve them in helping with baby; When a second child comes home, the dynamics completely change, this is unavoidable, and for us parents we are dealing with so much, recovery from child birth, there may be health issue with you or baby, sleep deprivation, establishing feeding to name a few. It can be difficult to remember for your child a lot is changing, so creating a role for them, so they can feel happy about these changes will help, keep them feeling connected and secure. For example getting nappies and wipes at change time, helping with bathing baby, can all help foster the connection and acceptance of this change.
1-1 time with them; again I appreciate this won’t be possible for all situations, but if when baby is asleep or another parent or support is around I highly recommend 1-1 time with your older child. This will be their norm, by finding a small amount of time each day to connect this will really help them feel secure.
I hope you find these tips useful, whether you are expecting a second child soon, or you are experiencing difficulty with sleep after baby no 2 came along. These tips apply to both. As fostering connection, and your child feeling secure and accepting of change, due to how you handle their emotions really is key.
If you apply these tips and find sleep isn’t improving, or would like help in this area, check out my packages pages, I have wealth of experiencing in getting to the root cause and developing bespoke sleep plans to resolve these areas of sleep. Every child is different and needs a bespoke and unique approach.
